His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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