its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
