I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
