We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
