i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
