Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
