I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
