apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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