at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
