There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
