I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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