Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
