I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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