There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
