I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
