Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
