i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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