The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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