im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
