Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
