i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
