my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
