and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
