So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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