I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
