I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
