Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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