Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
