we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
