ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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