are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
