she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
