I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
