All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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