btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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