im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
