I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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