I feel like abortions should bother me more
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
