its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You took a bar mat shot.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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