I think scott just propositioned me for sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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