ADVERTISEMENT

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  at least we're not in new jersey

  Fav 59 1116 1926

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".

  Fav 49 880 3634

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (305): View more from Florida

  And the cops told us we were all naked.

  Fav 15 7027 1487

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

  Fav 11 9479 1437

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.

  Fav 11 3000 1163

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes

  Fav 7 1358 3017

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

  Fav 24 4564 1103

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.

  Fav 5 746 535

  share tweet
  

• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.

  Fav 6 1012 573

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth

  Fav 0 610 437

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag

  Fav 2 400 856

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.

  Fav 1 353 516

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?

  Fav 0 41 5

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  of course

  Fav 1 85 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (801): View more from Utah

  She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.

  Fav 0 5 25

  share tweet
  

Randomize