Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
