it glows. i had to have it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
