I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
