In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
