Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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