i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
