y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
