before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
