And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Text me some of your sweat
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