there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
