Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
