you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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