please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
