Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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