Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
