Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The uberlube is also flammable
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
