i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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