I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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