Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
