His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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