I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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