How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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