I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
