those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
