omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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