RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
