Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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