i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
