Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
