Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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