It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
