You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
