Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
