Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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