Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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