she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I did not marry a roomba.
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