She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
