we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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