She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
