Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
