Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
