you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
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